Experiencing reactivity of heart-and-mind, Step 7

At first sight Step 7 seems badly out of place. Just when we've developed a warm, cosy glow, enjoying the well-being of Step 6, suddenly Step 7 asks us to experience the reactivity which can be so troubling and unwelcome to us.

Experiencing our reactivity

To experience it means to feel the anger, or the injustice of something, to feel perhaps the shame or the guilt, or the sense of failure in some situation. There may be things we fear or things we can't come to terms with. Anything that causes us pain, or has done so in the past, is part of what we are now, part of what has conditioned us, and it may contribute to the way we react to new issues that arise in life. Now Step 7 asks us to feel whatever it is that's troubling us.

Step 7. One trains oneself, "Experiencing reactive movements of heart-and-mind I'll breathe in;"
one trains oneself, "Experiencing reactive movements of heart-and-mind I'll breathe out."

This is the first time in our practice that we've been asked to turn our attention directly to the mind. And Anapana goes straight for the difficult personal issues we face. Yet when we get to Step 7 we're in a very different position from where we were before we started the practice. To face our reactivity with an untrained mind is one thing.

Experiencing reactivity after working with mindfulness

To face it after working through Steps 1 to 6, and having developed mindfulness of the body, is quite different. Now, through our mindfulness training, we've learned to develop a broad focus and to take a dispassionate view to whatever enters our consciousness.

More than that, the enhanced body-sensitivity of Step 5 and the ease or well-being of Step 6 have helped to fortify our minds. When the pain behind our reactivity arises, it mingles with the well-being. That well-being defends us from being overwhelmed by the pain. It enables us to look at the painful issue, and then see it in a new light. It enables us to approach the issue with greater dispassion, and to see all sides of the issue, perhaps for the first time. Doing that is the first step in resetting our relationship with whatever it is that troubles us and causes us pain.

Our real problem is not that we suffer

This is one reason why it's important that we have not become sidetracked by the traditional forms of first and second jhāna. States of absorption or concentration can be very pleasant because they enable us to escape from suffering. They hide reality from us. Our real problem though is not that we suffer, or that we must face reality. Our problem is that we try to do so with the aid of reactions we developed at a much earlier stage in life, and often in childhood.

Once we calm the immature reactivity we'll be in a much better place to live in the real world as mature, grown-up people, and we'll actually suffer less. Part of what gives us the strength to face this real world, and the suffering we meet in it, is what we might call the "pre-traditional" experience of the second stage of jhāna.

Gotama's discovery, his unusual path

If the first stage is the scanning exercise that builds up the enhanced sensitivity through a process involving "intention and attention", then it's the quiet and relaxing experience of the second stage that enables us to face all of reality, all that our lives hold.

This is the secret that Gotama ("The Buddha") discovered two and a half thousand years ago, the unusual path that satisfied his quest. Neither the states of absorption he once learned from his brahmanic teachers, nor the harsh disciplines of an ascetic approach, satisfied him. Only his own discovery of something he called "jhāna", based on developing a pleasant experience, finally led him to peace.

In fact, the reactive movements of Step 7 are not at all out of place. They've been present all along, and we're finally coming to recognise them for what they are.

Recognising our reactivity

How then can we recognise when our reactivity has been activated?

Feeling the emotion

Sometimes it's very obvious. If something happens that causes you an immediate emotional reaction, that's your reactivity that has woken up and given you that reaction. So, something that makes you angry, something that causes grief, or fear, or any other emotional reaction, is feeding upon a tendency you have, or a habit you've developed. These things have conditioned you to respond in particular ways, and that's what you've done just now.

When that happens it may be difficult for you to meditate. You may try to Just Hear, or to Know the Breath, and so on, but thoughts about what's happened will keep on intruding into your mind. Again and again you have to patiently set them aside, and it may be quite difficult (though not impossible) to reach Step 7.

Sometimes the emotion may be less obvious. You may be left with just a pervading feeling of sadness. It isn't strong, it isn't distracting. You can forget about it, but it is still part of how you are at this time. If so, once you get to the well-being of Step 6 (and not before!), feel the sadness. In particular, focus on the physical sensations it brings before you go on to Step 8.

Something may lie behind all the distracting thoughts

Those thoughts can be another indication that reactivity has been triggered. Until now in our meditation we have simply accepted that distracting thoughts will arise, and we've learned patiently to set them aside. Now when we find the mind is especially distracted, we may suspect that something has been activated. Perhaps the mind is still processing something you've heard or seen, or something that has happened. You may well know what has given rise to all these distracting thoughts, though the exact issue that is causing the reactivity may not always be obvious.

At times an emotional reaction may occur that leaves you mystified. You have no idea why you're feeling as you do. It may be difficult to pin down quite what the emotion is, let alone where it's come from.

Bodily discomfort with no other cause

At times our reactivity can show itself not in some recognisable emotion, but as a bodily discomfort. Emotions often manifest in the chest, or in the stomach. Stress or tension will show itself in several different parts of the body. We may not be aware of why we're stressed, but we can detect stress symptoms. We might point to some situation outside ourselves as the cause of our stress, but in fact we're getting stressed because something inside is reacting to that situation.

Perhaps you experience no reactiviy at this time

We don't need to force anything to happen as this point. If no reactivity seems to arise, that's fine. We can continue to enjoy the well-being of Step 6. That may then lead us directly into the experience of Step 9. It's always good just to check if any reactivity is present at this point.

What then should we do?

Once we recognise, or we suspect, some form of reactivity has been triggered, what should we do about it?

Experience it ...

Step 7 is quite clear about what we should do. It asks us to "experience" the reactivity. The word means to feel it, to sense it, to let it be part of our conscious experience. Often we try to distract ourselves from bad-feeling emotions or bodily discomfort, but this step asks us to experience how it feels. We might explore the feeling, and get to know it.

As always though, everything we've worked through in our practice so far will stay with us. Just as we built up the body-scan in Step 5 by adding one area after another to a growing whole, so with these steps overall. We still hear any sounds, we still know each in-breath and each out-breath, we still sit in the bodily stillness of Step 4, we still feel the sensations of pīti, and we still feel the well-being of Step 6.

... as part of the whole Anapana experience

So what we experience of difficult emotions, and of any bodily discomfort, comes on top of all of that. In particular the enhanced sensitivity and the well-being will make a difference to us. We can still explore and experience the difficult feelings to the full, but the presence of these other factors enables us to stay with those other feelings.

This will take us into Step 8

And holding these factors together, the pain and the well-being, is what takes us into Step 8 and enables us to calm or still the reactivity. We'll have more to say about that on the next page when we come to Step 8.