Dealing gently with wandering thoughts in meditation
As we practise these exercises, sooner or later our awareness will wander. Something may happen that distracts us, or some unrelated thought may come into our minds. This may lead us into a whole train of thoughts until we realise we haven't been aware of breaths or sounds for a while.
How our minds work
At first we may retain a background awareness of breathing, behind the thoughts or feelings that have come up, but soon that becomes completely submerged. The thoughts take over, but when that happens don't be disappointed. It's a perfectly natural part of how our minds work. We haven't failed in some way, and there's no need to react with disappointment, or anger, or anything else.
The Default Mode Network
Our brains are always active, even when we're not engaged in a focussed mental task. Its "default mode" when at rest has been investigated using scans of the brain. Different researchers have been able to show that the same areas of the brain are active at this time. Later work found other networks within the brain that are associated with seeing, hearing, and paying attention to something. These are distinct from the Default Mode Network.
This network is active when we're at rest, and when the mind wanders. It seems to have a number of different functions, all of which you will become familiar with when you try to meditate. It recalls events from the past and imagines events in the future. It consolidates recent memories and tries to understand and remember events. It is often concerned with what we call our "self", and it may be the neurological basis for our sense of selfhood. It's also concerned with social characteristics and making judgements on social concepts. Indeed it often picks up what we consider to be just and unjust results of events. Greater dominance of this default network over other networks is associated both with rumination in clinical depression, and with chronic pain.
Interestingly, structural changes to the Default Mode Network have been found in people who meditate. In long-term practitioners there is reduced activation of the network and a reduced connectivity of it. This suggests that mind-wandering is much greater when we begin meditation, but that in time we find it to be less of a problem. That certainly is what I've found in my own experience. Footnote 1
How the Default Mode Network relates to meditation practice
For as long as we remain focussed on our practice, this default network will remain inactive and our minds do not wander. In Anapana practice, the constant awareness of each in-breath and each out-breath keeps our attention focussed. Yet gaps will occur, especially after the out-breath and before the start of the next in-breath. We need something else to focus on during that period. That is one of the benefits of building up a broad awareness. An accompanying focus on hearing can help to maintain our mental focus, even when we are simply hearing the silence. When we add a focus on experiencing the whole body in Step 3, our attention is constantly active.
Yet we will forget to remain attentive. Our minds will then wander. Perhaps we have something "on our mind" as we say, some recent experience, which the mind wants to process. Often we are not at peace with all that our lives have held, or may hold. The mind will take any opportunity to process those issues.
The Default Mode Network is actually our friend, not our enemy, but it can seem to be quite a hindrance when we begin a meditation practice. All meditators discover the mind will constantly wander away from what we wish it to be doing. Although we might regard it as a friendly reminder that we're not sufficiently focussed on our meditation, it constantly seems to get in the way of that meditation.
A gentle saint
Every meditator passes through a period of mind-wandering and distraction. You might be encouraged by some words of a Christian meditator, St. Francis de Sales, who lived from 1567 to 1622. He was known both for his deep faith and for his gentle approach to the religious divisions which followed the Reformation. In 1602 he was appointed Bishop of Geneva, but he could never visit his cathedral there for by then Geneva was firmly in the hands of the Calvinist authorities.
He wrote a number of books and letters about the spiritual life, and a quotation from these has become well known. I first discovered it in a Buddhist book about meditation. I don't know what Francis' spiritual practice was, but this quote suggests part of it involved simply sitting in the presence of Jesus. But Francis soon discovered, as every meditator discovers, that his mind wandered constantly and would not stay where he wished. This is the advice he gave about a distracted mind.
If the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point gently, and replace it tenderly in its Master's presence. And even if you did nothing during the whole of your hour but bring your heart back and replace it again in Our Lord's presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be very well employed. Footnote 2
If we too face distraction after distraction, our time will also be "very well employed" when we don't lose heart, and when we're patient and kind to ourselves.
Two approaches to distracting thoughts
At this early stage in our Anapana practice, we need to build up our ability to stay focussed on our threefold awareness. It's best not to give ourselves targets, but allow our ability to grow naturally. There is no point in long sessions in which we are quickly tired and unable to focus. We need to be kind to ourselves and our minds, and know when we've done enough for one session. Have a break, and if you wish, return to the practice later, or another day.
Two different approaches to the issues that trouble us
1. Let it go
For now, when we realise we've been distracted from our practice, whether by thoughts in the mind or by anything else, we simply need to forget the distraction and go back to where we were. Start to hear the sounds again, start to know each breath again. Do so without any fuss, and without making a big deal of it.
It doesn't matter how the distraction arose; all that matters now is to let it go and come back to the sounds and the breaths. You may find it helps to refocus the mind with a few simple words again, like “Hearing these sounds; knowing each breath.” Then go back to your silent awareness again, until the next distraction arises.
2. Pay it attention
Later in our practice we will change our approach and take notice of what our minds bring up. What are the issues about which we have no peace? At that stage we'll be able to hold one of those issues in mind and quieten all the reactivity which it brings up for us. That is the point of Anapana practice. When we get to Step 7 we practise embracing and experiencing the issues which trouble us and create reactivity. The Pāli text calls such issues "factors that condition our heart-and-mind". Footnote 3
Then in Step 8 we will gradually calm or still this reactivity. We'll gradually let go of all that conditions our minds, until we're free of it. When the reactivity is gone, we'll probably see that issue in a whole new light. Until we get to Step 7, though, we must simply let go of the issues that arise and stay with each exercise. You may like to think of each distraction as developing our mental abilities, giving us the strength or capacity we'll need when we do focus on these troubling personal issues. But more than that, setting these issues aside also helps us learn to be dispassionate and non-reactive.
Returning to the exercise
As we work with the earlier steps, from Step 1 to Step 6, whenever we notice we've been distracted, all we need do is to let go of the distraction and return to the exercise. That's easy to say but sometimes it can be difficult to do. Some of our thoughts don't want to be let go of. They want to be treated as important. We will treat them as important when we get to Steps 7 and 8, but before we can get to that point we need to develop our ability to sit, fully aware, focussed and dispassionate.
If your practice is too hard for you at this time, recognise that. It may be that you're tired, and a rest or even a short nap would do you much more good. Or it may be that some fresh air or exercise would do you more good. Anapana practice, like all forms of meditation, is work. Come to it when you're able to give your best to it, stay with it while you can, but don't push yourself beyond what you can manage at this stage.
Distracting and wandering thoughts will occur. Recognise that, recognise that letting them go and returning to your practice is all part of what you are doing. Be patient and gentle with yourself, just as Francis suggested.
Reinforcing our intentions by guiding ourselves
How strong is our intention to know each breath, to hear, or to experience the whole body? Many people find a meditation practice to be much easier, and that they are much less distracted, when they follow a guided meditation. The meditation leader puts intentions into our minds by speaking just a few short words. That is one reason why I've included a series of audio guided meditations on this website.
A guided meditation can be even more effective if we can learn how to guide ourselves. No one else can know how my practice is unfolding. No one else knows how often I need a reminder, or how much of a reminder I need at this time. When I self-guide I can adapt the words I use to my needs at this moment.
How to guide yourself
Keep your words brief. Then allow a time of silence in which to do what you've just said. You are not giving yourself orders, or even instructions. You're simply reminding yourself of what it is you want your mind to be doing at this time. It's often better to use "...ing words" (words that express something ongoing: 'hearing', 'knowing', 'experiencing' and so on) rather than "instruction words" (such as 'hear', 'know' or 'experience'). Your words simply make clear what you'd like the mind to be doing at this time, or what it is doing.
How long a silence do you need to leave after your words? Well, only you can know that. If you start to get distracted, if your mind wanders away, you probably need to give yourself another gentle reminder. When you feel you've given sufficient attention to one stage in your practice, you can then move on to what comes next. You can go at your own speed, as you sense what works best for you.
Although I've given a series of guided meditations—and I have to say that even I find it helpful to listen to one of them at times—I'd like to encourage you only to use them sparingly. It's far better to learn to self-guide yourself.
Self-guiding the Anapana practice
The Anapana practice lends itself to this self-guiding approach. Notice that each of its Sixteen Steps is written in the words a meditator might use when guiding themselves. For example, in Step 3,
"Experiencing the whole body I'll breathe in ... I'll breathe out ..."
Say it once, and then do it. When you need to, repeat it, or part of it. "The whole body ..." or "Experiencing the whole body ..." Try it, and see how powerful this can be.
In Anapana practice we have to hold together a number of experiences simultaneously. By self-guiding we can avoid getting lost in these.
"This whole body ... sitting ... breathing ... hearing ... This whole body ... and its stillness ..."
This is a sequence (or something like it) that I often use when I'm at Step 3 and moving into Step 4. The "..." symbol represents a silence in which I focus on experiencing the words I've just spoken or thought to myself. Each silence can be longer or shorter as I need it.
As you work with the Anapana practice on a regular basis, the Sixteen Steps gradually become lodged in your memory. You can then use them and work with them more easily. You can return to an earlier step when you need to, and move on to the next step when you're ready.
I feel sure the Sixteen Steps were composed for this very purpose, to help meditators in as practical a way as possible.
Footnotes
1. See the Wikipedia article Default Mode Network
2. While many websites and books attribute these words to St. Francis de Sales, and sometimes mention his book, "Introduction to the Devout Life" (published 1609), I have not yet mangaged to trace the exact quotation.
3. citta-saṅkhāra: "what conditions the heart"